Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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