by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
