1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize