i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
