my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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