so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
