was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
