At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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