i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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