We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
