Umm I'm too high to move.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
