is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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