I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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