My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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