I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
