Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
