remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
