Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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