Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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