watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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