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So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
