just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
