5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
