Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
