Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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