I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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