I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
