he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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