He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
