i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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