remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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