babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently the secret to your success is patron
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
