First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
