and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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