I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize