"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
