sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
