eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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