I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
