if you like me you must not know who I am
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
