I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
