i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
