i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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