he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
