dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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