Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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