This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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