he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
