if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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