...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
