We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
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I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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