Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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