Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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