And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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