i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my sisters under your porch take her home
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
