"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
