I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
