she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No I am not eating basil off your cock
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
