So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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