He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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