Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
40s are totally the cure
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
