im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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