Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
