She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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